chapter 01

Census time.

Numbers promises to be just about as tedious and Leviticus. We eventually get to some nice slaughters. First, there must be another census taking. For names and numbers you will have to refer to the original. They don’t really help the story much.

They tell us that this census happen two years two months after leaving Egypt. There is little to suggest the Hebrews did all their breeding in Egypt. And there has been no evidence that there was a wandering tent city of herders of millions in any desert. The story was most likely written in Babylon. And maybe the Hebrews were slaves there. You narrator doubts it. Your narrator is inclined to think they were the ruling class. How did Paul say it. ‘We act as though we have nothing but we own everything.’ There were certainly slaves in Babylon. Slaves have been almost everywhere. It wasn’t too long ago that the southern states of the USA were full of slaves. And that was after a grand genocide of many nations. So there is enough truth in the atrocities of the Torah even if the details are way off.

So there are, like with the Mormons, astrological signs and eggs in America, twelve over fathers. The 12 ancestral houses listed by names.

Joseph, the first son from Jacob’s favorite wife had two head sons. Two ancestral houses. The Levites were the chosen of the chosen race. The animals on the farm more equal. War pigs. So they were the 13th house. The holy house in the middle. In this book it is maybe Saturn they refer to. In Christianity, the sun is the 13th house. 12 houses around the holy one. The son of God.

So, anyway, each son had anywhere from 32,000 to 63,000 males over age 20 who could bare arms. There is no mention of iron or steel so we are likely still in the bronze age. Egypt had metal furnaces. Sharpen bone is also good to slice your enemy and they had much of that. Bows and arrows work well. Spears are good. And 603,550 soldiers are also good. They also had fire to fight their enemies. Lots of animal fat to burn.

vs. 49: Do not on any account enroll the tribe of Levi or take a census of them with the Israelites. EQ

At least not till next chapter.

Only the Levites were holy enough to take care of the holy tent of blood sacrifice. Anyone not Levite who got close to the tent was put to death.

Vs. 51: any outsider who encroaches shall be put to death. EQ


chapter 2

This chapter is all about which troop is to camp where. Who they where. How many they were. Every troop made a flag and a banner of whatever and camped at a distance from the bloody holy tent.

The names and numbers are listed and who is to camp where. North 3 troops, East 3 troops, South 3 troops, West 3 troops.

And that is how they marched. Unless they weren’t going to war, then the other few million came along.


chapter 3

Now for the line of the high priests, Aaron and Moses. At the time with the Lord on Mount Sinai. Aaron had four sons, Moses, the Lord, killed two. Moses said ‘cause they used the wrong incense. But more to show his power. Make Aaron know who was boss. The other two sons were likely really sons of Moses from Aaron’s wife. Just speculating, of course.

That’s how tyrants are. My sperm is God.

The tribe of Levi got to serve Aaron. Aaron the priest. The servant of Moses. So the Levites were assigned to Aaron and his sons. To furnish the holy tent. Aaron and his sons were to be the priests and do priestly things and any outsider who had a problem with that would be cut down by the sword of God’s justice.

So it came to pass that the Levites took a census of them selves for the Lord.

Kohath, Amram, Mahli and Mushi and so many others. From one month up. Males. Forget the women. 7,500.

They had their duties spelled out; who ties what part of the tent.

The clans of Amranites, Hebronites, Uzzielites another 8.600. Doing the sanctuary. Lamp stands, alters and other shiny stuff for official doing of things. Like eating. And blood rituals.

The Mahlites too, 6,200. Planks and posts and furniture.

That made 22,000 to look after the holy tent. And anyone not a Levite what didn’t like it would be put to death. That is a grand number of priests to look after one tent. Even a big one.

Then they counted the first born of the Israelites. And that number was 22,273. And if that is true, the average family had 27 sons. So most soldiers had more than one wife. For there would be daughters as well.

Vs. 45: and the Levites shall be Mine. EQ

So the deal was, Moses would take the Levites in exchange for all of the first born of the rest of the Israelites. Ownership. Not so unlike Molech.

For the 273 extra first-borns, a tax of five shekels per head. Money for Aaron and his sons. Redemption money. So Moses took the 1,365 sanctuary shekels. And gave it to Aaron and sons ‘cause the Lord said. So.

Quote from a great science fiction novel by Ken MacLeod, ‘Learning the World’: The Height was a busy place, but how much of its activity represented something real, and how much really symbolic, was another matter. EQ


chapter 04

Once again, the Lord Spoke. Of the Levites, the Kohathites, male, 30 to 50, were taken census of and assigned to the gold and silver kind of stuff in the Tent of Meeting.

Dolphin skin, which ain’t real flipper, they likely refer to dugong and that is a now extinct sea creature from over hunting. For their meat, fat and skins.

Instructions how to take down camp. Holy things covered by priests so no one sees the holy stuff and has to die. Ark of the Pact. Bowls. Jugs. Crimson cloth. Luxury that was to remain for the upper class. The ruling class. Fuck the rest of the Israelites. The rest of the world. God said, or the Lord, take it all and fuck everything over.

The furnishings, poles, blue cloth, gold things, had to be covered with dolphin dugong skin.

And so, when Aaron and his sons had covered all the things so people wouldn’t die ‘cause they saw them, then the Kohathites carry them.

Elaazar, son of Aaron, the priest, was in charge of the precious oils, incense and roast beef.

If any Kohathite goes to carry stuff before it is covered, they gotta be killed. No one sees the stuff and lives lest he is a priest.

The Lord wanted a census of the Gershonites 30 - 50. They had to carry the tent flappy stuff, like whatever. And Aaron and his sons would give orders.

And the Merarites 30 - 50. They did the planks, bars, posts. Sockets. They had a list the Lord made for them. What to do. Ithamar, son of Aaron the priest, was their boss.

The Lord had in his service for the holy tent and all the holy stuff, 2,750 Kohathites, 30 - 50. Gershomites, 2,630. Merarites 3,200.

The Lord had a job for those 8,580 30 - 50 year old men. The big fuckin’ holy Tent of Meeting.


chapter 5

In case any one forgot, the Lord spoke to Moses. Non stop.

The next thing to say again was people with eruptions or discharges, or dirtied by a dead corpse, must be put outside of camp.

The Lord also said, if someone does something shitty to someone, there is a 20% interest charge. Surcharge over the 100%. If no one is left alive to take the payment, it goes to the priests. As well as a ram.

If a wife fucks someone other than her husband or a priest. Or if she hasn’t and her husband thinks she might have. Then she and some grain are taken to the priest.

She stands before the Lord and is given a witch test. The priest musses with her hair and makes a potion. The jealousy drink. The curse is laid upon her.

He tells her if you fucked around, your ass will sag, your tits will droop and you won’t have no more babies. You will be a curse among people.

If the poison don’t fuck her up, she didn’t fuck no one but her husband and the local priest and she can make more babies.

Priests gotta do these rituals so lotsa rituals are happening. Making culture. Like rotting cheese. The man will be clear of guilt. But the woman shall suffer for her guilt. Dirty slut.


chapter 6

Guess the fuck who told who to tell the Israelites about the rules of making a nazirite’s vow. And what did the vow mean. No wine, vinegar, grapes or razors. No trimming beard or split ends.

‘Cause his hair is holy. If his mom or someone dies, he, the vower, can’t see her, them. His hair is holy.

If some fucker dies and falls on him, he has to shave all his hair and start from the beginning of the vow. And must pay a lamb as penalty.

At the end of his vow, the Levite on the nazirite trip of avoiding grapes, things made of grapes and dead people and razors. Then he can pay a lam, a ram, cake, flour and oil.

The Nazirite then shaves off his hair and throws it on the sacred fire where his offering is being roasted over the coals. And he gets the shoulder of the ram, one cookie and a slab of flat crispy bread.

After that, the Nazirite can go get sloppy drunk.

So that’s the nazirite thing what the Lord made some rules for. Which means that is what is and anyone got any questions.

The Lord bless the people of Israel. And protect you. And make things nice. And I will bless them.


chapter 07

When the Tabernacle was set up, Moses anointed and consecrated it and its furnishings.

“Balla, balla, bim. Everything is holy within.”

So the chiefs of each tribe brought what the Lord Moses demanded. He gave it to the Levite priests. Six carts and 12 oxen.

Two carts, four oxen to the Gershonites. Four and eight to the Merarities. The Kohathites had to handle extremely holy shit so they carried it on their shoulders. Across the hot desert.

For each tribe, the chief gave the Lord, one day after the other, one silver bowl, one silver basin with flour and oil. One gold ladle with incense, one bull, one ram, one lamb, one goat, two oxen, five rams, five he-goats, five lambs.

Nahshon son of Amminadab.

The second till the twelfth day, the same price was paid by Nethanel, Eliab, Elizur, Shelumid, Eliasaph, Elishama, Gamalid, Abidam, Ahiezer, Pagiel, Ahira, and if you want their father’s names, check the original translation.

The original translation even does the math for you. For example, if 12 tribes each give a silver bowl, in the end, there are 12 silver bowls. 24 bulls.

So Moses went in the tent and the Lord told him more what to do to the Israelites.


chapter 08

The Lord told Moses to tell Aaron how to make and set up the lamps. The Lord had a special pattern.

Meanwhile in Pakistan, landowners are raping peasant girls and killing them.

So the Lord said, clean the Levites. So they sprinkled water on them, shaved off all hair and washed their clothes.

Then they took a couple bulls and made a ritual slaughter so the Levites would be elevated over the rest of the Israelites.

The Lord owned the Levites. “Levites are mine. They belong to me. The chosen of the chosen.”

“I killed the first born of the Egyptians. So the Levites are mine. And all the first born animals.”

“Any thing else, Mister Holy Dictator.”

“Stay the fuck away from my sanctuary that you might not die.”

So everything Moses said, everyone did. Or died.

Retirement age for the tent workers was 50. They could stand guard and kill people who got close. But no work no more.

Life expectancy was 42 back then anywhore.


chapter 09

The Lord also said there were rules how and when to celibate the holy first son murder day. Like he did at least once before, the Lord of random rule redundancy.

For the passover murder feast, one had to be clean. Inevitably some are away or hanging out with a dead corpse of a loved one. Or a wife.

So they complained.

Vs. 8: “Stand by and let me hear what instructions the Lord gives about you.” EQ

Today we would say: “Wait a minute and let me think about it.” Moses talked to the same Lord we all talk to. Our own heads.

Well, like it so often is when one gets to talking to the Lord , the Lord comes up with an idea or two. So the Lord said, “Right, then. You can all party a month later.”

And because murder is the highest holiday, if someone who is clean and not on a trip gotta do the rite or they can be separated from their family.

With a sword.

If a stranger who hasn’t been killed is living or visiting among you. He has to do the passover. And if he is an Egyptian or has an aversion to the celebration of murder rites.

Too fuckin’ bad.

There is one law for you, no matter who you are. The Lord Moses said.


chapter 10

And the Lord told Moses to have two silver trumpets made to summon the people and direct the troops. Long blows for coming together. One long blow, just the chiefs. Short blows, the east troops move.

Numbers is like a handbook: How to control a 600,000-man army, illiterate and superstitious and ignorant, in a desert. And keep the luxury for the priests while the rest of the millions are in adventure desert camping mode.

Aaron’s sons, the priests, are the trumpets players. They weren’t nowhere as good as Wynton Marsalis

“Blow you trumpets over your roast beef to remind you I am the Lord. Your God.”

In the second year, Feb. 20th, it was time to leave the bubbling piles of shit and rotting waste there by God’s Mount Sinai and move to the wilderness of Paran and fill that with shit.

The troops set out and the tent of the Priests was taken down, a few people killed for looking, and moved. And the million head of cattle, the wives and children.

The original tells ya what divisions moved first and second and who they were. In charge of what and how talented the silly primates acted. Circus apes.

Hobah, the father of Moses’ wife, told Moses he’d go home when Moses told him of the promise land. And he wanted him as a guide. Moses did. Advisor perhaps also. And it was the normal formality.

With their Ark going before, they marched three days.

Moses said.

“Go onward Lord and scare away the enemy. And come back when we set up camp.”


chapter 11

Well, well, well. The people started bitchin’ before the Lord. So he sent fire to the camp.

“Help.”

Moses asked the Lord to settle down and he did.

So they called the place Taberah, to burn, ‘cause the Lord get’s pissed off some times. And he loves the smell of burnt flesh.

The riffraff got a gluttonous craving.

“We want some fuckin’ meat. In Egypt we had fish, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. We eat only fuckin’ manna.”

Let’s just pretend the story is real and ask if they didn’t have the odd bit of milk from any of their animals and maybe even a little meat. Who knows, maybe not.

Now manna was like coriander seed. You can boil it, grind it and make bread. Or something similar to bread only yuckier.

The chiefs told the weeping story to Moses and it distressed him and pissed the Lord right off.

Moses said. “I didn’t make these people. Why must I be continually pestered by them. They eat meat on holidays. That’s enough. I can’t take all this fuckin’ pressure. Just fuckin’ kill me and put me out of my misery.”

So the Lord made a counsel of elders to make Moses’ job easier.

The Lord gave them special power, like talking gibberish and making proclamations.

“Tell the people to purify yourselves for tomorrow you will eat meat. You wined enough. We know Egypt was a fine place. But I am the Lord and will drop so much fuckin’ meat on you sorry mother fuckers it will be coming out your nose.”

The Lord was always over reacting. No self control.

“Why the fuck did we leave Egypt. After we terrorized them, destroyed everything and murdered a bunch more, they kicked us out. Remember.”

Moses goes to the Lord and says. “Where the hell we gonna get so much meat. Could enough herds, flocks or oceans of fish be enough to satisfy them.”

“You forget who you are talking to.”

So the Lord blows quail from the sea and piled them two cubits, about a meter high. On the ground.

Sea quail. A sea of sea quail in the desert. Must be true if it is written.

They ate quail. Rotten quail after a few weeks, in the hot sun until a plague broke out and killed the protein starved slaves. Maybe scurvy.

So they named the place Kibroth-hattaavah to remind poor people not to want meat. Meat is for the ruling class. Manna for the poor.

Then they went to Hazeroth.


chapter 12

Although Aaron had seen Moses kill two of his sons and dishonor them even in their death, he had the nerve, him and his wife Miriam, to question the actions of the Lord’s top man.

“He married a Cashite woman!” Slut. Whore. Tramp. Definitely not a Levite. Filthy low life. Bad Genes.

Now the Lord got wind of the bitchin’ like he always did.

And Moses, the mass murderer, was a very humble man. For a demented gold hungry dictator megalomaniac. More humbler then any man on Earth. In fact.

So the Lord calls out to the three of them.

“Get your asses to the tent of meeting.”

They did. And the Lord came in on a cloud of smoke and ordered Aaron and Miriam to listen up.

“Look, puny humans. I make myself known to prophets in dreams. Visions. But my servant Moses can make himself at home in my chambers. We talk mouth to mouth. No riddles, like for every other human on the planet, unless you count the pope when he comes.”

“What’s a pope.”

“Shut up and listen. Moses looks like the Lord. How do you dare speak against him.”

The Lord fucked off and Miriam was left covered in white scales. Leprosy.

So Aaron begs the Lord to stop the torture.

“Okay, we fucked up. We should never question Authority even if it is tyrannical. Don’t let her be like a still born with its flesh rotted away in the womb.”

So Moses goes to the Lord and tries bargaining.

But the Lord said, “If her father spat in her face she would have to wallow for seven days. Put her out of the camp. In seven days she can come back.”

So they did and waited seven days for snow white scaled Miriam and then went on to the wilderness of Paran.


chapter 13

Then the Lord says, spy on the land of Canaan. I, the Lord, will give it to the Israelites. Send the chiefs of each tribe.

Moses decided Hosea, or Hoshea, was now to be called Joshua.

“Go check out the country of Negels. See what the hill country looks like. See how many people they have. Are they strong or weak. Few or many. Is the country good or bad. Are the towns opened or fortified. Is the soil rich or poor. Is it wooded. Bring back some fruit.”

It just happened to be grape season.

The 12 spies scouted from Zin to Rehols. They went into Negeb and came to Hebron, Ahiman, Sheshai and Talmai. The Anakites were there. Hebron had been established 7 years before Zoan of Egypt.

They came to wadi Eshol and cut a cluster of grapes, picked a bag of pomegranates and figs. The place was named Eshcol ‘cause the Israelites cut a cluster of grapes.

After 40 days, they reported back to Moses and Aaron and all the Israelites.

“The land flows with milk and honey. And fruit. But the people are many, powerful and the cities are large and fortified. They got Amalekites in the Negeb land. Hittites, Jebuaites and Amorites in the hills. And Canaanites by the sea and along the Jordan.”

Caleb, from the tribe of Judah calmed the people and said. “Let’s take it.”

The others said. “Are you mad. They are stronger than we are. And the Nephilim, the descendents of gods, see Genesis 6 vs. 4, make us look like grasshoppers to us.


chapter 14

The whole tribe of tribes wailed the whole night through.

“Why did we ever leave Egypt. Or let us die now. Why go get killed by them there god people.”

Moses and Aaron passed out on the floor. On their faces. Joshua, son of a Nun, and Caleb ripped their clothes off and cried out.

“Fuck. The land is good and the Lord will kill our enemy if we chose to make them it. And since everyone is, they are our prey. And you dare complain of our Lord. Put his ability to slaughter in question.”

They wanted to stone the war Lords.

“How long will these people piss me off. This is a fuckin’ dictatorship. Do fuckin’ not question the ways of the Lord.”

“Why not.”

“I will strike them with pestilence. And disown them.”

Then Moses and the Lord argued about why not kill every last mother fuckin’ Israelite there in the wilderness.

“Well, Lord, other people will say, ha, they never made it to no promise land. They ran around on the desert and died. A planet without Israelites. No Jews and no Holy Federal Reserve Bank and 911. No Jesus Christ and Holy Pope and inquisition. No Mohammed and Holy Oil Tycoons and Taliban. No Lord, what will become of Hollywood.”

“Okay. Okay. I won’t kill ‘em all. Just most of them. Now move the fuckin’ troops down to the Sea of Reeds.”

“And tell them,” the Lord continued. “To stop their muttering, Goddamn it. Every one of you will die in the wilderness. Except Caleb and Joshua who like to invade any country. Your children shall suffer 40 years in the desert because you dared mutter against me. A year for each day. Because you spied 40 days. I torture you 40 years. And you will die. And the vultures will pick your bones.”

Odd that with these several million dying in the desert that there is absolutely no evidence of them. But, alas, if you got this far, you know the story is but a story that is reminding us of things we forgot. Not the least of which is that we are in a solar system and that we need to know it. Know what it means to our chances of survival. How stable is the sun. What is an asteroid. Where did the dinosaur all up and get to. There were other cultures, now vanished, that knew things. They weren’t all idiot slaves of tyrannical dictators. Natives of the Americas were plotting the location of black holes thousands of years before our present cultures even thought about them. And that was only a few tens of years ago. We have no choice but to become space-fairing primates. Doing nothing is not a choice after billions of years of evolution. No more waiting around for salvation. The dark ages have come to an end.

So 10 of the 12 chiefs died of a plague strait away. The plague on this occasion may have been the sharp metal kind.

And so then it came to pass that a bunch of confused soldiers said “Fuck it, let’s attack the enemy now.” But they left without Moses or the Lord. No authorization. One of those secret missions. And those who went got slaughtered. Just as Moses said they would if the Lord was not with them.


chapter 15

And then Lord Moses said.

“More offering. Rams, oxen, bread with oil, sheep, goats, wine. Read the rulebook. It is the law now and forever.”

There was great plunder a waiting in their next war so Moses made the tax law clear. The first of the best of everything went to the governing Levites. The Lord was cutting the way to a line of Kings. Plunder for the crown. The holy greedy ruling class of royal pricks.

“If you fail to comply, the community must pay one bull. With the trimmings. Ah. A goat for sin. Some blood splashing and all is good.”

Same rule applied for the strangers that lived among them. Remember the hoards that came along in Exodus. The servants, some anyway, to the Israelites.

“But the man you caught gathering fire wood on the Sabbath. Take him and stone him.”

So 3 or more million Israelites pelted stones at the old man with sticks.

Till he was dead. Then they went and fed the kids evening manna.

“Hey, Daddy, why did everyone murder the old man with sticks today.”

“He might be a stranger to our laws but he must be murdered if he picks up sticks on the Sabbath.”

“I saw Aunt Sally washing dishes last Sabbath.”

“Well, we’ll have to murder you for not saying so last week. And her as well.”

“Sorry I asked.”

So the Lord got some fashion ideas and had everyone wear fringes on their garments. Forever. So they know that they are servants of God, or the Lord, or Lord God, you fuckin’ better do everything I tell you, no matter how idiotic. Because if you don’t. I’ll kill you and the next 7 generations of your descendents. For I am only fare. And humble.

“Just don’t push your fuckin’ luck. Slaves.”

And the Lord told ‘em. Vs. 41: “I the Lord am your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God: I, the Lord your God.” EQ

Allow your narrator a short comment. From the line of Esau.

“Go fuck yourself, Moses.”


chapter 16

Korah, the great grandson of Levi, and Dathan and Abriam dared to question the sovereign authority of Moses.

With 250 men of repute, they came to the Tent of copulation with children. Oh, need we explain that comment ‘copulation with children’. Okay. When the inhabitants of city-states are slaughtered, the young virgins are sometimes kept. And the priests get first pick. And you can bet your ass that they were being raped continually. That’s what rich dictators almost always do. In our time, here in 2009 of Jesus Christ, they pay prostitutes with taxpayer’s money. So things are getting a little better.

“You have gone too far, Moses. What makes you so Goddamn holier then the rest of us.”

Moses fell on his face. Jumped up and said.

“We’ll see who’s fuckin’ holy.”

So Moses told them to come back with fire pans in the morning.

“You fuckin’ Levi kids. You got it better than the rest of the army and still you dare utter against the Lord.”

“You drag us out of civilization to play the Lord over us. You promise land of milk and honey. Can we look forward to having our eyes gouged out when we get there.”

Gouging out the eyes of run away slaves and anyone who questioned authority was common practice at the time of the writing of the original Torah.

“Shut the fuck up. I will show you who the Lord wants to be Lord.”

So they all did what Moses said and came next morning with 250 fire pans filled with incense.

The Lord said. “Stand back, I’ll kill ‘em all.”

And all the Israelites fell on their faces moaning.

“Oh God. Oh God. One man sins and you want to kill us all.”

So Moses told them to move away from the tents of Korah, Dathan and Abiram. And watch.

So the men and their wives, sons and children stand before the Lord at their tents.

“I will show you who is fuckin’ holy.”

The Lord opened up the earth and they were swallowed, wailing, down to Shoal. Which likely means, they were all hacked to tiny pieces by the priest polices.

Terror ruled again. All were afraid of being swallowed by the earth if they were bad. The wrath of the Lord.

And the Lord then burnt the 250 men as well. To drive his point home.

“It is better to kill all who question My authority rather than to let one sinner free.”


chapter 17

Of course, murdering someone with a fire pan makes the fire pan sacred. The burnt bodies were thrown away with the trash and the copper hammered onto the alter so no one would forget.

“Don’t ever fuckin’ question authority.”

But the whole community cried.

“You are a murdering tyrant.”

So the Lord told Moses he’d kill ‘em all. Too protect the lie of dictatorship.

Vs. 10: “Remove yourselves from this community, that I may annihilate them in an instant.” EQ

That is our famous compassionate, slow to anger, loving Lord God Almighty for you. Piss him off and he will kill everything and everyone.

Moses said no Lord, not all of them; just kill a bunch of them. Moses sent Aaron with some incense to stop the plague. Likely the incense was a sedative to calm the soldiers that enjoyed killing family folk. One of the more dangerous plagues that plague impoverished nations is the military police force that enjoys a little more luxury, such as an income of any kind. And rather than be one of the impoverished, they terrorize the impoverished. Like in any war fairing nation. For example, take a look at the American Empire.

“Join the army if you fail.” Robert Zimmerman sang that.

And if you need many soldiers, let poverty reign. The army will be the only way out for many.

14,700 died before Aaron could stop the plague. Plus the 250 Levites.

So to prove who was holy, Moses told Aaron to get a stick from all the chiefs. Carve out their names on them and put them in the tent. Aaron did one too.

“Now, whoever’s stick grows tomorrow will be holy.”

Wouldn’t you know it. The Lord made Aaron’s stick blossom and produce almonds. Overnight. I wonder how that happened.

Moses said. “See, you fuckers. That proves it. Now shut up and eat your manna cake. Or the Lord will kill you.”

So they all cried. They knew they were doomed.

Vs. 27: “Lo, we perish! We are lost, all of us lost! 28. Everyone who so much as ventures near the Lord’s Tabernacle must die. Alas, we are doomed to perish!” EQ

And just a little quote from Jim Morrison: “They got the guns, Baby. But we got the numbers.”

And when it comes to ratio, if we can remind the soldiers that they too are slaves, 6 billion to about 6 thousand. Some say 3,000. Some say 5,000. It makes little difference. The point is, and we quote the writer from Bad Religion, “When all King and Queens relinquish their crowns.”

This must happen. The age of royalty must come to an end. A peaceful solution would be better for our chances to make it a permanent solution.

Stop giving money to religious organizations.


chapter 18

Then the Lord said to Aaron. You and your sons are to carry the guilt with the sanctuary. Any Levi not a priest can’t look at the holy stuff or you and them will die. No outsider can do anything or I will rip out his eyes and kill them.

“You and your sons do the priest thing. And outsiders who come by will be put to death.”

Aaron and his sons were granted the sin, guilt and meal offerings for all time. It and they are holy.

Vs. 22: Henceforth, Israelites shall not trespass on the Tent of Meeting, and thus incur guilt and die. EQ

Ha. He forgot that many of us are Edomites. And that we will tear down the temple of lies even if it takes three thousand years. And it will not be rebuilt. And we will meet where we chose to meet. And we will break out of dualistic logic. We will find ideas not yet thought. We will not be held back by silly superstition and terror dictatorship.

As well as pre-mentioned tax income for Levites, gift offerings and elevation offerings, for ever. If they are clean.

All the best new oil, wine and grain. The first fruit of everything on the land. The first born for everyone and thing. Man or Beast shall be the priest’s. For ever.

For buying back people, check price list back in Exodus. It is good to have sheep and precious metals.

Dash blood on the alter. Burn the fat. The Lord likes the smell of burnt animal fat.

All the sacred gifts are for you and your Levi family.

But you get no land. You are priests and shall live from taxes.

All the tithes in Israel are for the Levi Priests ‘cause they have things to do. In the tent. And no Israelite comes near the Tent of Excess or they get killed.

Only Levites forever. And no land for them. Just the taxes thereof.

“If you don’t do the rituals correctly. You will die.”


chapter 19

And the Lord, once again, what’s that now, 668, said to Moses and this time, Aaron as well. So things are changing. Aaron is back on the team. And that could mean a couple things. Moses is going to cut him down from an elevated place. Or Moses needs his help getting ready for battle. Or both.

“This is the ritual.”

“What now, oh Lord.”

“Bring me a red virgin cow never worked no marks no defects. And burn it.”

“Well, Lord, that makes good sense.”

“Don’t even think of sarcasm, you shitty primate.”

So Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, had the cow slaughtered, dipped his hand in its hot blood, sprinkled it at the tent and they made a big fire and burnt the cow.

Then they washed on the 3rd and 7th day and had yet another law for ever. Even strangers had to slaughter and burn cows.

One must remember, these are simple primates and haven’t started thinking yet. And we don’t want to suggest that there weren’t other primates somewhere else at the time living in a different subjective time. Not every culture was as mindlessly brutal as the Holy Hebrews.

But let’s not be too hard on the Israelites. They were literally beaten slaves. They were forbidden to take from the tree of knowledge. So it takes them a little longer to catch up. Be nice to your Hebrew friends and show them that it is okay, and necessary to wonder about the universe and where we are in it. It is good to know that the universe is 13.7 billion years in the making and we are the ancestors of the gods. Simply backwards to their foolish cult.

Another thing to remember, they may be just pretending to be fucking idiots.

Anyone touches a dead person is unclean 7 days. This is a time for cow ashes. And hyssop. Clean on 3rd and 7th day and death to anyone who don’t. Kill the fuckin’ fuckers.

Spare the sword. Spoilt the hoard.

This is a law for ever.


chapter 20

The Israelites moved to Zin, seems we are in year 14 now. Of the 40. They stayed at Kadesh and buried Miriam. She was dead.

The several million people were without water and started crying about their home in Egypt. Again. Why hadn’t the Lord killed ‘em all already. The desert is a wretched place for a camp of millions.

So the Lord tells Moses and Aaron to talk to the rock before the whole community.

Vs. 10: “Listen you rebels. Shall we get water for you out of this rock.”
EQ

“Sure Lord, that’s a great idea. Always copious amounts of water in rocks. Especially in the desert.”

“Who said that. I’ll feed him his nuts.”

So Moses hit the rock twice with his stick and out came enough water for all the people and beasts. Which means something like a river.

I still find it hard to believe that anyone would make a religion from a bad horror fairy tale. But it happens over and over.

The Lord was pissed because he said talk to the rock and Moses hit it.

Vs. 12: “Because you did not trust Me enough to affirm My sanctity in the sight of the Israelite people, therefore you shall not lead this congregation into the land that I have given them.” EQ

Then they asked the king of Edom if they could walk on through with a few million people and several million animals. They promised to stay on the King’s highway.

“No. You come near us, we hack you down.”

“It is but a small matter.”

“Small matter. You are a mad unhealthy lot of bloody cattle worshipping ignorant thieving murderers. Fuck off.”

So they went to Mount Hor, near the land of Edom.

“Moses, since you hit the rock instead of talking to it, Aaron must die.”

“Fare enough.”

So they hiked up the hill, took Aaron’s clothes off and put them on Eleazar. You narrator would say that Eleazar was the son of Moses.

Vs. 26: There Aaron shall be gathered unto the dead. EQ

They killed Aaron on the mountain. Hacked his head off.

The community knew Aaron was dead on the mountain. Murdered by the man that called him his brother.

So they cried for 30 days.


chapter 21

At long last we come to some genocide. The holy ritual of the mad killer primates.

When the Canaanite King saw the millions of Israelites, he went to war with them and took prisoners.

So Israel says to the Lord, if you deliver these people unto us, we will kill every last motherfuckin’ one of them, their children and their animals and burn down their cities and take only the metal reserves to furnish our holy tent. Maybe make a few weapons.

So the Lord heard their plea and was happy to hear it made good sense. The Lord and his army of 600,000 hungry and desert crazy mad men butchered every man, women and child. Every cat, dog, rabbit, cow, duck and pig. Finally doing something useful.

They gathered the metal and burnt everything to the ground.

Then they marched from Mount Hor past the Sea of Reeds to check out Edom.

There the soldiers started bitching again. Against God and Moses. Why did we leave Egypt, we got no bread or water. Just fuckin’ manna. And the plunder of a small nation.

So the Lord, or compassionate and slow to anger God, sent dragons breathing fire. Their bite venomous. And many died.

And the people cried.

“Enough already, we don’t need bread or water, tell the Lord to call off the Goddamn venomous dragons.”

“Right then, make a dragon on a stick. Look at it when you are bit.”

“That makes sense.”

Moses made the holy dragon out of copper and put it on a stick.

Then they marched to Oboth, to lye-Alarim, to the wadi Zered, to Arnon, territory of the Amorites.

And something I’ve seen nowhere else in the bible, a quote from a different book.

It ain’t significant but here it is: vs. 14: “…Wahab in Saphah, and the wadis: the Arnon 15. With tributary wadis, stretched along the settled country of Ar, hugging the territory of Moab…” EQ

From there to, wait, the book was called, what a surprise: ‘Book of the Wars of the Lord’.

Wars of the Lords. Moses wasn’t the only tyrant. Even if he didn’t exist and the story is fiction, it was written by people who knew how the world was. Fuckin’ brutal. We are a little better now. Even if the media assholes give nothing but news of murder and war, the likeliness of dying from the hand of another primate is at a record low. The age of enlightenment is upon us. We have become smart enough to understand that cooperation can be much more profitable and, not least of all, fun.

A few thousand years ain’t so very long for a species. Behind us on planet Earth is about 4 billion years of ancestors, much of which was as bacteria in the oceans and lakes. Just 600 million years ago, perhaps after the most sever ice age the planet has had, evolution really got moving. In a very hot stormy environment. About a million or 2 years ago primates started standing up and taking notice. They took a chance with fire. They tried out many things. Much of which has been in the last few hundred years. The most resent, perhaps some places somewhere a few thousand years, the primates, with their new big brains, started developing levels of consciousness and comprehension.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, man would see things as they truly are, infinite.” William Blake wrote that.

And this is what is happening now. We are seeing that we are in a universe. And that we are of the universe. And that black holes may actually be like eggs that become new universes. What it matters. Perhaps that it matters. That it is matter. And everything takes forever. Sometimes, we find that we are in it. Heaven for those who care to be in it. Hell for those who don’t.

Alas, let us focus once again on the invading Israelites. The holy exterminators in the holy hate propaganda fairy tale.

Then the Lord gave the Israelites water.

And they sang a song about digging a well. Beer means well.

The foreign minister sent a message to King Sihon. “Let us march our several million people and animals through your land. We won’t touch nothin’.

The King of the Amorites said.

“No.”

He knew they were lying, murdering mad primates carrying their holy flags of holy genocide. He took an army out to meet the Israelite army.

And Israel slaughtered them. Hacked them to pieces. With their swords.

Then they took their land. From Arnon to Jabbok, as far as Ar, city of Jazer. They took all the towns. And the towns in Heshbon and all its dependencies.

A dependency pays to not get slaughtered by a local power. And the local power protects them from other powers that want to plunder. Or murder. Long tradition that says: “We have the weapons and means to kill all of you, we won’t if you follow the tax laws we give you, which may include the raping of the odd little girl or boy.”

What it doesn’t usually say is: “Until the other Lord’s murdering machine comes along and wipes us all off the face of the Earth.”

And because a king had stole from another king before the Israelite invasion.

They sang a song.

Something like: We came to a place where a king overpowered another king then we over powered him and everyone else. We are the fuckin’ best.

Standard. Dead people seldom made a song to say:

We were working in the fields,
Feeding our family with our yields.
Along comes the fuckin’ Israelites.
Kills us all with sword and dynamite.

But if someone thought to, they might.

Then they marched to Bashan, where King Oz ruled. Always tyrant rule. That is our history. At least what we learn in houses of the holy and most school books. Peace time is seldom reported. Take Costa Rica for an example. Though the name would suggest it was a rich coast, there were few resources for the European invaders to plunder, so they, the natives, saw little of brutal war. And thus have little in the way of grand history books or grand art work.

Back to the genocide campaign for land and resources. The Israelites killed every last mother-fuckin’ one of them.


chapter 22

Then the Israelites marched to the steppe of Moab, across the Jordan from Jericho.

King Balak of Zippor had seen the Israelites in action.

“They will suck us dry.”

Balak sent for Balaam, unfortunately for Balak, Balaam was an agent in the services of the sons of Jacob. A servant of the Lord.

He invited the visiting dignitaries to stay the night.

God asked Balaam, “What the fuck they want with you.”

“King Balak don’t wanna be slaughtered by the Israelites and wants me to curse them so as they got a chance when they fight them.”

“You can’t curse the chosen race. I fuckin’ well blessed the fucking mad murdering monkeys.”

So in the morning Balaam sent the dignitaries away.

Balak sent more dignified dignitaries and repeated the protocol that requested cursing the descendents of Jacob. Balak was willing to pay any price for a nice curse.

“I’d love to curse the backstabbing deceiving pricks but I can’t do what the Lord don’t want me to do.”

God told Balaam in a dream that it was okay to go back with the dignified dignitaries. Long as he watched his tongue and wasn’t selling any curses.

Vs. 20: that night God came to Balaam and said to him, “If these men have come to invite you, you may go with them.” EQ

The next morning God was pissed at Balaam for embarking on the journey he had told him he could go on.

Vs. 22: But God was incensed at his going. EQ

God can never make up his mind.

So an angel of the Lord appeared to the ass of Balaam, with sword in hand. So the ass went into a field. Balaam beat his ass till she went back on the road.

The angel stood again before Balaam’s ass. She pressed Balaam’s foot against a wall. Again, Balaam beat his ass.

Then again the angel appeared before Balaam’s ass and she lay down on the road and Balaam beat her.

Then the Lord spoke through Balaam’s ass.

“Why you keep beating me, Bitch.”

“I’d kill you if I had a sword.”

“You’ve had me as your ass for ever, have I ever acted like this. Have you ever known an ass that could speak.”

“Nope. You have a point.”

Then the Angel appeared to Balaam.

“You silly bitch. You beat your ass three times. God told you not to go and that you could go. I told your ass to not go.”

“I am so confused. Should I stay or should I go.”

“Either way there will be trouble but just go already. You will say what I tell you to say.”

“I’ll sing only what God inspires me to sing.”

Balak came to him when Balaam finally was done arguing with his ass and an angel with a sword.

“Why you didn’t come first fuckin’ time I sent for you. I have gold and silver.”

“The Lord has me by the balls. A house of silver and gold won’t help.”

Balak sacrifices oxen and sheep and the dignitaries partied all night long.

chapter 23

“Okay. This looks serious. Build me seven alters, get me seven rams. We’ll see what the Lord tells me.”

God says to Balaam. “So, what’s happening.”

“We roasted 7 bulls on 7 alters so as to inspire the gods to make a good curse against the invading army.”

The Lord bellowed his sardonic laugh.

“Okay. I’ll inspire a pretty song in you.”

And it went something like:

You wanna curse to be on Jacob
You wanna hear a song of Israel’s doom.
But I can’t damn the chosen race
Moses talks to the cloud that goes boom.

They are the chosen of all the land
The Lord God Almighty made it clear.
God made them as numerous as dust
There are 600,000 armed soldiers out there.

“What the fuck. I ask you to curse them and you bless them.”

“I am the voice of my Lord. I only say what he inspires me to say.”

“Well, bloody well talk to your Lord again. We’ll take you up a different mountain. Let’s see if your Lord will let you work up a curse for a portion of the hoard.”

Another 7 alters were built, a bull and ram on each.

Balaam went off alone to talk to his Lord. And came back with another song.

God don’t change his mind, he ain’t a man
If he chooses a race, he don’t choose another.
They are like a giant monster hungry lion.
They drink the blood of your children and mother.

“Shut up, fuck Balaam, you are my friend and you sing my doom.”

“I say what the Lord says. I told you that already.”

“I don’t want them marching in here and murdering every man, woman and child. Do you not see my position. Let’s try one more place. Altars, bulls, rams.”

Excuse me, your narrator, for a little rant. God don’t change his mind is a good one. How many times has he changed his mind to date.

First he created man, said it was good, then he said no, they suck, I’ll kill them all. How many times he said he’d kill them all, the Israelites, it’s hard to guess. About as many as he’d make them as numerous as the stars, or sand or dust.

But let’s not dwell on this tedious contradiction. The holy fable is full of contradictions. It is lame brain training for the dedicated reader. Enough bouncing back and forth in simple linguistic quantum duality will eventually throw the reader into a third and maybe even forth dimension of perception.

If the reader finally escapes the limits of the duality, the reader may finally hunger for the fruit of the tree of knowledge. Feel mentally safe to laze under the tree of life. And see it how it is. Infinite.


chapter 24

So Balaam sings another song, as long as the first two together.

God is the greatest,
He is number one.
You gonna all bow to him.
And take it up the bum.

See the countless tents
They are so pretty at night.
They are the chosen race.
God said they’d win the fight.

They will murder and plunder,
Rip you like a lion.
They’ll crush your bones.
Rape your children crying.

They will devour enemy nations,
Don’t think that they won’t
Blessed are those who bless them.
Cursed are those who don’t.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit, piss, fuck. Balaam you fuckin’ fuck. I fucking asked you to curse them for any price. You fuckin’ curse me. And won’t stop singing like a chained to an organ monkey.”

“What the Lord says. I must say.”

“Fuck.”

“Wait. I got another song.”

“I can’t take no more, you bitch. You stinking whore.”

I only sing God’s songs
I am Balaam son of Beor.
I sing for the Israelites
I’m their throw-away whore.

Jacob the great killer of nations.
Israel smashes all in their way.
They wiped out many places already,
Plunder is the army’s only pay.

They burned down the cities.
Amalek wiped off the earth.
The Kenites gone from under the sky.
Asshur and Eber will see no more birth.

We are the best killers
Genocide and plunder for God.
The list goes on who shall perish.
From the hand of the Jacob mob.

After Balaam had sung his Israelite propaganda songs, he went home. On his beaten ass.

Balak was not impressed and did not pay Balaam for his services backwards rendered. He was, however, nice enough not to kill the prick.


chapter 25

vs. 1: …at Shittim, the people profaned themselves by whoring with the Moabite women, EQ

The soldiers forgot they were there to slaughter the Moabite nation and without asking permission from the Lord, they partied and had sex with the Moabite women. Israel made sacrifices to their god. And the Lord was pissed.

“Take the leaders and impale them on a stick in the sun and let the vultures eat out their eyes and tear off their cocks. Let the wild dogs eat their flesh.”

Moses told the chiefs to kill anyone who fucked a Midianite slut. Those low life whores with their false god.

Just then, a soldier brought a woman to his tent so that Moses and everyone saw them. Phinehas, grandson of Aaron grabbed up a spear, went into the tent and stabbed them both in the stomach. To gain the favor of Moses. The Lord of compassion.

“Die like a dog. Bitch.”

Vs. 13: It shall be for him and his descendants after him a pact of priesthood for all time, because he took impassioned action for his God, thus making expiation for the Israelites.” EQ

And this is what is called holy terror. The murdering of 24,000 who chose to make love rather than war.

Let us then say: Fuck you, you goddamn priests of holy hate. Fuck your goddamn murder religions. Morons. Myopic murdering sub-apes. You will be left behind by evolution.

When the wrath of God was over, 24,000 were dead. Impaled.

They refer to this as a plague. I guess interspecies murder could be referred to as a plague. No other creature suffers from this sickness.

Perhaps it is one of the growing pains of our species on our way through evolution. One day we won’t have the urge to kill each other. To win the approval of our tyrannical dictators.

Megalomaniacs will learn to rule their inner universe and not dictate over the ignorant.

But it won’t be an easy lesson.

As long as we worship Gods who praise the murderers and plunderers.

“I grant my pact of friendship to Phinehas forever because he murdered two people while having sex. For ever. Blessed are murdering priests. I like you most. Even above the chosen.”

Zimri was the murdered man and Cozhi the murdered woman. Them and 23,998 others.

The Lord spoke.

“They fuck with our soldiers. Kill ‘em all. Every last motherfuckin’ one of them. Man, woman, child. Animal.

Vs. 17: “Assail the Midianites and defeat the.” EQ


chapter 26

So the Lord requested a new census. Fighting aged men. 20+.

And it looked much like the last census. The list of who begat who and how many thousand to what clan.

One might get the impression, if one takes time to ponder the banality of lists of names and numbers.

What was the average number of wives for these chiefs. Jacob had four. Two wives. Two maids. How many did they whore out to royalty.

Was Joseph the son of a foreign king. What’s his name.

And how does any of it matter. Except to illustrate how thin our cultures are. How very infantile we are with our social structures. Most other animals have more stable, humane systems.

Religion of blood cults.

And though most everyone at the last census was dead in the desert.

The soldiers numbered 601,730.

Then the Levites were accounted for. The murdered sons of Aaron remembered. Jochehed, daughter of Levi, born in Egypt, had Aaron, Moses and their sister, Miriam. Not the wife of Aaron. At least I don’t know. Everything was permitted, especially with royalty. Incest was the rule. Pure blood line for the priests.

23,000 of them. Priests. Of various levels.

Caleb and Joshua were the only ones not dead in the desert. Of the leaders. Because they didn’t bitch and were always quick to murder and plunder.


chapter 27

The great great grand children of Joseph had a problem. They were all daughters. Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milch and Tirzah. They went to Moses.

“Our father died in the desert. He wasn’t a cohort of the Korah rebels. Let us not forget Joseph just ‘cause we ain’t sons. Give us some of the land we are going to invade.”

So Moses talked it over with the Lord.

The Lord figured it was okay to honor their claim. He even made another law.

“If a man dies with no sons, the daughters get the inheritance and allotted land. If no decedents, his brothers get his stuff. Land. No brothers, then uncles. If not, the closest relative.”

The Lord reminds Moses that he can’t go to the promise land because he hit the rock when he was to talk the water out of it.

“Well Lord, if I gotta die for my one little sin, fare enough, but let’s appoint a new overlord. The people are like sheep and need a tyrannical megalomaniac dictator.”

“Right you are, Moses. Joshua will take over the command of the Israelites. Do all the necessary pomp before the people. Lay your hands on him. Give him some of your authority. Some must remain with the priests, the fine dressed whores of the war machine. Eleazar, my bastard son, shall talk to me. And the Urim.”

So they made a big show and the people saw that Joshua and Eleazar were to rule over them.


chapter 28

vs. 1: Be punctilious in presenting to Me at stated times the offerings of food due Me, EQ

“Give me my food on time. If you want to keep your holy priest jobs.”

The Lord made his food laws. In fact, the people of the book are all about food laws. So many bloody food laws that genocide, a most holy event, is second to food laws.

Every day a lamb, with wine and fried in oil bread, I, your ever-humble narrator, have seen bread made in this fashion. In a pan, fried over a fire. Very yummy, especially Sarah’s. Not the Sarah from the bible but a native of the land. If you are fresh out of lambs, refried beans with a can of sardines is also delicious.

Morning and evening. On the Sabbath, the priests are to prepare twice as much.

On new moons: this is a tradition much older than the Israelites. Other prehistoric men wondered about the sun, the moon and planets. They set up great monuments to observe rituals and honor ancestors of the ruling class. Interesting rituals can be found in many lands. Many having striking similarities. Some might propose to help remember things once known. Knowing that man was embarking on several thousand years of dark ages. Some would say they were simply myopic. Others simply watch television and go shopping and don’t venture to have a thought to where we are from and to where we might be going.

One very significant similarity in cults and religions of the metal age was the making of class structure and the demotion of women.

Alas, let us return to the random rules of the Lord Moses with his ruling class of priestly Levites. They were to prepare for the fire rituals 2 bulls, 1 ram, 7 lambs. And the baked over a fire fried bread. And roast a goat for sin.

On month one, day fourteen, everyone’s favorite sacred day. The day to remember the murdering of every oldest son of another superstitious nation of slaves and impoverished by the Israelite financial take over, peasants, also slaves.

The day after, a big party. Unleavened bread 7 days. Don’t work first day. 2 bulls, 1 ram, 7 lambs. And remember. Always without blemish, my food. And bread. Every day. And on the 7th day, don’t work. Unless, of course, you are preparing food for Me.

For the day of the first fruit. Also sacred. A day off. Bring new grain. 2 bulls, 1 ram, 7 lambs and the usual fixings. And a goat to pay for sinning.

These are very important laws so make a tax-free empire to preserve the book of rules. Call the book, The Holy Scriptures.

The book, though maybe not so much the religion, does have something to teach us. Some of which is: do not hold to religion for it will make you into an ignorant slave of murdering tyrants and lessen your chance of ever being free.


chapter 29

On the first day of month seven. Also sacred. Don’t work. Get out your horns and your harps and party. And prepare for me 1 bull, 1 ram, 7 lambs and fried bread.

And a goat.

The Lord likes the smell of fat burning on the fire.

On the tenth day of that month, don’t think about or touch yourself or anyone else on penis, vagina or bum. And don’t work. 1 bull, 1 ram, 7 lambs, bread.

And a goat.

And on day one 13 bulls, 2 rams, 14 lambs. 1 goat.

2nd Day: 12 bulls, 2 rams, 14 lambs, with bread and wine.

And a goat.

On the next days, till the seventh, the bulls go down one a day. So in the end only 7 bulls and on the eight, back to one. Rams stay at two. Lambs 14.

And always. A goat.

And if anyone wants to give the Lord other things whenever, go for it.

Votive and freewill, burnt, meal, libations, well being.

Do it.

And for heaven’s sake, never ever stop to wonder what the hell you are doing for you may find that your life of comfortable servitude is slavery. That you are a mockery to the rest of life. That you need to wake up and become what you can be.

And it shall come to pass that we become the space monkeys, protecting the earth and all its life and terra forming other planets and building great movable worlds we will call star ships.


chapter 30

Moses told the heads of the tribes what the Lord had for another law.

“If someone vows something to me, he gotta do it. If a woman makes a vow and her father finds out and don’t like it, for example a vow not to have sex with family members, then he can disallow the vow. And she will be forgiven. If she marries and her husband is her brother, he can say screw the no screw vow. And if a widow or divorced woman makes a vow, she gotta do it. And if she’s married and her husband don’t care about the vow, she gotta do it. But if he changes his mind. She has to stop doing what she stopped doing and start doing whatever she wanted to not do for whatever time she had chosen. Self denial can be annulled by the husband and the woman is forgiven. But if he doesn’t annul then when he finds out, he’s guilty. If he tries on another day.”

“That’s a good one Lord.”

“Thanks. Wash my feet.”

And so that’s how it is with a woman and her vows. Most important thing to note is that she is owned always and can shut the fuck up. She is first owned by her father, then she is owned by her husband. And that is how it must stay as we rape, plunder and kill. Bitch.

‘Cause we are the fuckin’ Men’s Club.
We want the wild world dead.
You think you want to protect life.
We swing a sword through your head.

Vs. 17: those are the laws that the Lord enjoined upon Moses between a man and his wife, and as between a father and his daughter while in her father’s household by reason of her youth. EQ

And it came to pass that all the women and children said: “Fuck you.”

And on the Sabbath they did not go to the holy Men’s Club of brutal lies. No. Instead, they proclaimed that the Men’s Club, in all its forms, was at an end. That a new age had not only dawned, the morning light could be seen.

And they went into the woods to gather berries and herbs and seeds. And it came to pass that the new law was made and the forests were no longer cut down to be sold for lies. That new trees were planted in the cities. And gardens on the roof tops and solar energy in the great African desert.

And it came to pass that the first was last and left behind. And the first asteroid was mined.


chapter 31

“Okay Moses. The 40 years are up. We are going to slaughter the Midianites then I’m going to kill you.”

So Moses told the Israelites to select a thousand of the best fighters from every tribe. Phinehas, son of Eleazar, son of Aaron or maybe Moses was to lead them with his royal thing and trumpets. Thing might mean hard on.

They took the field and hacked down every male. As well as their other victims, they did in the five kings of Midian. Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur and Reba.

And they killed Balaam who had once been their spokesman. Just as a reminder that sometimes the Lord did not bless those who blessed Him.

They took the women and children captive. As well as the livestock and all the material wealth. And burnt down every town. And every camp. And they took it all back to Moses. Eleazar.

Moses freaked.

“You didn’t kill any women. The sluts that killed 24,000 of you. The whores that Balaam served to you. You stupid, stupid people. How often must you be told. Kill every male and every woman that has touched a man’s penis. For she is a fuckin’ whore.”

“And the virgin girls.”

“We’ll keep them this time. If they ain’t ugly.”

So Moses sent all the soldiers with blood on them outside camp for 7 days. To clean up. Ritually. The 3rd and 7th day like all the other times.

Gold, silver, copper, iron, tin and lead, clean with fire. If they had all those metals, they had real bitchin’ swords. Burnt cow had to be used for some stuff. To clean. But hang on with the iron. Some scholars think that the Torah covers more than 40 years in the desert. Maybe even a couple thousand years wrapped up in one story. And to support this notion is the first mention of iron.

Vs. 22: Gold and silver, copper, iron, tin and lead. EQ

Vs. 51: … all kinds of wrought articles. EQ

It is the first mention of iron even though there was mention of metal furnaces in Egypt. And what we may have here is a jump into the iron age. The iron age had much harder weapons. When we cross the Jordan with the new dictator, it is an age of iron.

We won’t venture there. We will stick to Moses. Everything that couldn’t be purified with fire had to be washed with water.

Which makes sense. Blood and various other body parts and fluids baked onto your clothes eventually attracts small enemies. For which a sword, and therefore the soldier, is useless.

So Moses and Eleazar took inventory of the plunder. And set out to divide it up fairly with appropriate taxes for the Lord.

Priest tax was one in 500 from the plunder of the warriors who had slaughtered the enemy. And of the other Israelites, one in 50 from half. The first goes to Eleazar, the rest to the Levites.

The original text repeatedly refers to the remaining virgin girls as human beings, which I think is a nice touch. The number of these creatures was 32,000. Asses, 61,000. Cattle 72,000 heads. Sheep 675,000.

Which means Eleazar, God bless his soul, got to have the 32 most beautiful young virgins. All with murdered families.

To do with what he pleased. Because, people, he, like the royalty of all ages, could do as he fucking well pleased. Including raping the hottest virgins of a slaughtered land.

Isn’t history fun. Don’t the evilest killers get the most.

And, amazingly, not one Israelite had died in the battle. A clean slaughter.

Vs. 49: … and not one of us is missing. EQ

This is obviously a lie. Even now that Israel has one of the most scary military on the planet, someone always dies. Someone gets a knife in his throat. An angry virgin who has witnessed the murder of her 6 brothers and her parents and knows she will become a sex slave takes her nail file and stabs it into the throat of a bloody soldier.

The story appears to be just a story and it is written to look like it is impossible. In a way, it is impossible, the whole of it. The events are all too real. The myriad of laws are added for the frighten slaves of the ruling class to obey. Obey and never read and comprehend. Alas, someone must take the time to read the fucking book so many proclaim to believe, and see it as a warning.

It is a clear warning of the tyranny of the royal family. The vile wealth hoarding ruling class.

Having books written about how many they slaughtered and raped and how much fucking gold and silver they plundered. And beating the shit out of the peasants and murdering family members to remind them that they should better worship outright bald-face lies rather than be forever tortured.

Time to drop your religion and come to the table of protocol.

And this may come as a surprise but it is clear, when studied long and deep enough, that religion was made to self destruct. That the ruling class has given us our play-fight to make us mentally stronger. “Fight this lie, bitch.” The grand game of Babylon has come to an end.

Together we can face the universe with no lies clouding our eyes. Make the unknown the known. Step into eternity. Be what we shall be.


chapter 32

The Reubenites and Gadites had a shit load of cattle and wanted to take the lands of Oazer and Gilead. So they went to Moses and told of the nine regions the Lord had conquered.

“It’s perfect cattle country, Man. Let us stay here.”

“What. Are you going to let your brothers go to war while you stay here. We have more killing to do. Last time the people didn’t want to invade a land, the Lord swore we would all die in the wilderness. Except Caleb and Joshua. 40 fucking years of torture and you dare think of leaving the Lord’s army.”

“No. No. No. That is not at all what we meant. We meant. Let us stay here to build towns and set up our families on the land and shops and barns and the fighting men will not come home to it till we have killed everyone the Lord wants dead.”

“Well, all righty. In that case, set up your wives, children and live stock and stay ready to cross the Jordan when the time for genocide is upon our victims.”

So the Gadites, Reubenites and half-tribe of Manasseh got the kingdom of the Amorite King Sihon and the Bashen King Og’s land, various territories, cities and towns.

They rebuilt all the cities they had burnt down. Most of the names were changed. To help forget the blood stains on the land. And start to believe in the greatness of their forefathers. Generation after generation. For ever. Less one die by the sword.


chapter 33

And a quick recap of the marches of the Israelites from the time of the first slaughter in Egypt. Every first born. The Lord passed judgment. Judgment means killing. Genocide. Plunder of resources and stealing of land.

Then they wandered around bitchin’ and complainin’ being beaten, kilt and driven like fighting cattle with no modern conveniences. From the blood bath and plundering of Egypt on to Succoth. Camping there; then when the land was covered in shit and piss, they went to shit, piss, fuck at Etham. Went by Pihaniroth and stopped at Migdol to eat and shit out more manna. To the next place, then the sea and somewhere else and the next place and landed in the wilderness of Sin.

Not forgetting, of course, they stayed at a place with twelve springs and seventy palm trees. And for a few million people and several million animals, seventy fucking palm trees are about as helpful as a bible to an elephant.

But hey. Don’t fuckin’ question goddamn holy books. Christ know they’ll fuckin’ crucify you if you are so reckless.

At Alush they had no water to drink. Oh well. So after a few hundred children, old people and animals died, they went somewhere else to eat and shit manna.

If you want all the names, check the original. As I said, my favorite translation, before this one, was, sort of still is, Tanakh, The Holy Scriptures, The New JPS Translation. According to the Traditional Hebrew Text. But other than a few details of names and numbers, it won’t tell you nothing I, your humble narrator, didn’t.

Aaron died, with the Lord’s command, a sword, on Mount Hor. 14th year. In the 40th year, Moses was also scheduled to die at the Lord’s command, new Lord, new sword. 40 fuckin’ years dictating brutal tyranny to the unruly ignorant hoard and the Lord don’t let him into the promise land on a technicality call.

Killing of Kings by the Kings to succeed, or as the Torah calls them, Lords, was tradition. Kill the King and all of his family was the most common method. All possible competition murdered. Just to be on the safe side. Read the story of King David and how he had King Saul and all his family slaughtered. Even grandsons were later impaled for the grain god. Read the plays of Shakespeare.

The Canaanite King of Arad heard about the hoards of murdering plunderers on the move. So they, the army, also moved from place to place, in much less than 40 years, to get down to the Jordan. Where the shit had already clogged up the fan. And would stay that way for ever. ‘Cause the Lord loves hate.

The Lord said to Moses: “Kill every last motherfuckin’ one of them Canaanites. Smash and burn all their idols and cultural symbols. If you don’t wipe them from the face of the Earth for ever, they will haunt you and poison your souls, corrupt your lives, rape your children, disobey my laws and masturbate on the Sabbath. And I will be so pissed off I may turn the whole fuckin’ planet into a toxic wasteland of radiation void of all life. ‘Cause I’m the mighty Lord and will do as I please. You want me to spare you. Down on you knees.”

Mother fuckers.

Vs. 55: But if you do not dispossess the inhabitants of the land, those who you allow to remain shall be stings in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land in which you live; 56. so that I will do to you what I planned to do to them. EQ

This is the dark ages school of thought. Kill or be killed. The enlightened age, the one that has just become morning after the bloody dawn, will be: live in peace for there is no enemy among you. There are dangers on and beyond the planet that we will over come together. For so it has been written.


chapter 34

And on and on spoke the Lord, never tiring from instructing the multitude. His people.

“Okay, we are going to take Canaan and I’m going to give it to you.”

So the Lord drew up the boarders from the desert of Zin up by Edom. On the east by the Dead Sea. Still called that. South by the Akrahhim, to Zin, somewhere to somewhere to Egypt and the Mediterranean as the west line. The Mediterranean was called the Great Sea. At the time of the Torah, the Atlantic and Pacific were unknown.

Northern line from Mediterranean, well, look at a fuckin’ map. The place is called Israel. And obviously something happened ‘cause the holy scriptures were before Jesus Christ, 2 or 4 thousand years. And there is a big space to 1948 when they finally got permission from the second beast to invade what the locals then called Palestine.

Anyway. Nine and a half tribes still needed land. Eleazar and Joshua were to set up the distribution. If you can’t remember who they were, don’t worry. They are just random names in a book of nonsense. Believed perhaps because it is so impossibly tedious that it looks like one of those fuckin’ books you gotta read in science class about the history of termites.

The effect, however, is holy justification for a hoard of genocide freaks. Who were, the holy priest, let us not for a moment accuse the sheep of being more or less than sheep, more than willing to sacrifice even their own people to get what they wanted. World domination. And it did not matter if it was 24,000 or 6 million.

The first beast. The lion. The second beast. Well, ask a native of the Americas.

“Hey, then. What’s your religion.”

The story is a story and tells only the tales of The Men’s Club. The Books of Wars of the Lords.

And they are all horror fairy tales. Put them down and come to the table of protocol.


chapter 35

Still talking and talking, the Lord Moses. Getting near his death. Dictating all he can before the ground takes his sun burnt body to Shoal.

The Levites get pasture around their towns. So they can graze some animals. Extending about a kilometer from all around their town wall. 2000 cubits on the north, same on the east and west and south.

The town the Levites get shall include the six cities where murderers not yet convicted can go. And build another 42 towns so we got 48 towns of priests. Take more land from those who have more and less from lesser.

So the Lord goes on about refuge for man slayers who kill by accident. And of course, they can be tried in the priest’s court. 3 on one side of the Jordan, 3 on the other. And foreigners who kill people in our midst also can flee to the six cites.

Now here’s how to decide on murder. This of course is a law for the Israelites. The Levites are above the law and hack people down when they see fit.

If you smash someone’s skull with an iron bar and his head busts open and then, since we have no hospitals because only war matters still, and the person dies. Than the person who smashed in the skull of the other person is a murderer and must be put to death. The same applies to hand held tools, be they from stone or wood. And if someone takes their fists and smashes someone’s face until it is ripped off and they bleed to death. Or if someone kicks the living shit out of someone and he is dead.

That mother fucker must die and the blood avenger, that would be a husband, father, brother, uncles or some appointed person, gets to kill the murderer.

But if someone throws a rock not knowing it will crush someone’s head and it does, they can run to a city of refuge.

And if he is smart, he will pick the city with the oldest high priest. Because, when he dies, the accidental killer is free to go back to his holdings.

And to accuse a person of murder you need 2 witnesses. A murderer must always be put to death and there are no exceptions. No ransom will buy back the murderer’s life.

Don’t pollute the land in which you live. Blood pollutes.

We don’t want our blood mixing with the blood that saturates the land. Because I the Lord live among you.


chapter 36

Laws of incest. To make incest law.

The tribe leader Zelophehad left only daughters. And the danger with daughters is when they marry, their husband or husbands own them and what they got including land so that the daughters found themselves in the famous Catch 22 before Joseph Heller even wrote his book. The point was; there had to be a solution found to the problem of what to do with the five women and their inheritance.

And after the representatives from the Josephite tribe stated their case of their five nieces, Moses talked to the Lord and the Lord said.

“Fuck, that’s simple, boys. They can marry who ever they want as long as it is an uncle. Then the land stays with the Josephites. And other clans that have women inheriting from their father are also free to marry whom they please, as long as it’s an uncle. If there are no uncles, first cousins. If no cousins, well. Fuck ‘em.”

As it turns out, they all married cousins. The clan of Manasseh, son of Joseph.

These are the rules, all what has been said by the Lord, through Moses, at the Jordan not far from Jericho.

And everyone knows who has ever been to church a dozen times, Joshua and Elezabob, the priest. Intended to destroy it.

‘Cause it was there.

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